Boundaries – Page 2 – Confident Counseling, LLC.

I specialize in assertiveness training and enjoy seeing clients stop being taken advantage of in their life. One of the most common struggles they face is being unable to say “no” without feeling selfish or guilty. They tell me “I’m always taken advantage”, or “my friends know to call me for everything,” or “I can’t say no to my family and now I resent them.”

One technique you can practice is called the Broken Record Technique. Try it!

How it works is that you find a sentence saying that you can’t do something and you keep repeating it when asked why.

Here is an example:

A friend asks Sara to lend them $100. Now Sara has the money but needs it to pay her bills in a few days. Sara says: “I’m sorry but I can’t give you $100 right now.”

Her friend might then say: “but why not, I really need it?”
Sara replies: “I wish I could but I can’t give you the money right now”
Her friend: “I will pay you back as soon as I can.”
Sara replies: “Unfortunately, I don’t have $100 to give you right now.”

As you see, Sara repeated her reason over and over while keeping the conversation from getting too personal. This method can be effective and is simple to practice.

Now if the person you are talking to becomes angry or disrespectful then it might be best to leave and think about the future of that relationship.

If you would like more specialized training around assertiveness skills, please do not hesitate to contact me.

“Self-care is not about self-indulgence, it’s about self-preservation.”-Audrey Lorde

Learning and implementing the importance of self-care can feel like a constant balancing act. How does one make time for oneself when one is constantly being pushed in all directions? Work, relationships, and commitments all demand our time given the limited hours in a day. Making the time to do something that fills you up emotionally, physically, and or mentally is vital to making sure you can pursue those other things without burning out. It is hard to say no to extra demands or to put yourself first without feeling selfish.

Often times, I find that moms struggle with finding this balance. They find themselves feeling angry and exhausted and inadvertently take it out on others around them. When asked to spend some time doing things they enjoy, they struggle with feeling like they need to sacrifice themselves for their family. Remember that finding time for yourself to replenish will not only benefit you, but everyone around you. In the case of a burnt-out mother, your children will thank you for it.

Look at it this way, if you don’t put your need to recharge first, then everything and everyone else will only receive a small percent of you, because you won’t have anything else to give. By taking time to rejuvenate, you are in essence doing everything and everyone else a favor. When you focus on your needs, you will be able to give back 100% to your other commitments and people in your life. What good are you tired, irritable, or angry because you chose to rank other activities and or people ahead of yourself?

I find reading a good book or taking a hot shower helps me recharge after a long day of work.

Here are some other self-care ideas:

Exercise
Eating healthy
Meditation
Sleep
Medical care
Keeping a journal
Counseling

What is your self-care?

Category: Boundaries

Assertiveness: Simple Technique Anyone Can Try

One technique you can practice is called the Broken Record Technique. Try it!

Here is an example:

The Importance of Self-Care

Here are some other self-care ideas:

One technique you can practice is called the Broken Record Technique. Try it!

Here is an example:

Here are some other self-care ideas:

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