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When an Introvert and an Extrovert Date

They say opposites attract. But do they stay together and how do they make it work? According to one study, introverts make up about 30-50 percent of the population. The odds of an introvert and an extrovert dating is pretty high. Click here to learn more about what the differences between an extrovert and an introvert are. An extrovert regains energy from social interaction while an introvert recharges by being alone in their own heads. You can imagine that this poses several challenges for relationships where both partners have a differing need for social engagement. Here are few tips for couples struggling with these differences.

Understand your differences

The first important step for any partner in this type of relationship is to learn as much about their significant other’s personality. The more you understand how their personality trait impacts your relationship the greater the chance that you will be understanding and less likely to take their differences personally. For an extrovert, it is easy to think their introverted partner is “strange” or antisocial living in a world that idolizes extraversion. For an introvert, having a partner who wants the company of others can feel overwhelming and like rejection. As Francis Bacon said, “knowledge is power” and in this case it will give your relationship the power to reduce conflict.

Compromise and Balance

Ok so now both you and your partner understand each other better, but now what? You both still need a different amount of social interaction and alone time. The next step is to learn how to compromise so that both your needs are met. It is helpful for an introvert to have as much notice as possible about upcoming social events. For the last-minute plans, an introvert will appreciate having a predetermined time that the outing will end. For extroverts, it will be helpful for introverts to welcome extended outings without time limits. For this to work the introvert will benefit from staying home as the extroverts spends extended periods with others. The importance is about having balance to decrease resentment.

Acceptance

The most important step is learning how to accept your partner for who they are. It doesn’t help thinking of your partner as abnormal when introversion/extraversion is a personality trait that can’t be unlearned or changed. Instead harness the strengths you both bring to the table. Introverts are natural listeners and excel at deep one on one conversations. They are usually highly creative and are thorough in making decisions. Extroverts are excellent speakers and have a tendency to take risks. They are socially engaged and oftentimes the life of the party. Understanding these differences will allow you to use them at the best opportunities for optimal success.

After following these steps, you should have a greater sense of compassion and love for your partner. If the conflict is too great, please reach out to a professional who can assess and create a plan for addressing your concerns.

Impostor Syndrome-Do you feel like a fraud?

It’s the first day of your new job and you’re excited yet nervous for all that lies ahead. Here you are. You worked hard, probably even over-prepared for this moment, yet you immediately worry that everyone will find out you really don’t belong here. Even though you didn’t lie on your resume, you feel you don’t deserve this. How can they possibly believe you do?

You feel like you fooled everyone into thinking you’re competent, like you “tricked” them. Does this sound familiar? During a moment of success have you doubted yourself or felt that it wasn’t a big deal? It is extremely frustrating to go through moments like this especially when you see others placing confidence in you while you feel like a “fake.” You’re always on the guard, worried that others will “find you out” and realize you’re not worthy.

This phenomenon, Impostor Syndrome is common in perfectionists and overachievers who aren’t able to internalize and accept their success. These people have unrealistically high standards for themselves that it is difficult to meet their own goals. Even when they do reach them, they are more prone to attribute their success to luck than their own skills. This type of intellectual self-doubt is often paired with anxiety and/or depression.

Many people who feel like impostors grew up in families that placed a big emphasis on achievement. Specifically, parents who send mixed messages by alternating between over-praise and criticism can increase the risk of fraudulent feelings developing. Living in a society that focuses on achievements adds to the problem. The result is confusion between approval, love, and worthiness. Self-worth becomes on achieving.

Those struggling with Impostor Syndrome may avoid applying for promotions, for more responsibility and suffer from higher stress. How can you break this pattern?

Challenge your thoughts

You will discover that at the root of your self-doubt is a negative core belief that you’re not good enough. Ask yourself, when will I ever be good enough? What does good enough mean? Challenge this negative thought by finding evidence in favor of it and against it. It helps to ask yourself would I think this of a love one if they were in my shoes? If the answer is no, then ask yourself why you think this way of yourself.

Accept imperfection

Recognize that nobody is perfect. Practice letting go of high standards by doing a “good enough” job and walking away. Make time to appreciate your hard work and create rewards for yourself for completed tasks.

Recognize your strengths

List out the skills you have and learn to accept that you are good at certain things which have value. Yes, there will always be someone better at something, however that doesn’t make your strengths any less important because they are unique to you.

Talk to others about this

Being open and sharing this struggle with those you trust is a way to create awareness for others. They may even help you recognize when you’re engaging thoughts of self-doubt that need challenging. If it is difficult to work on this on your own, consider contacting a counselor to learn skills and challenge negative thinking pattern together. If you struggle with anxiety and depression, a professional will teach you how to cope in a healthy and effective way.

Parenting introverted teenagers

Parenting a teenager is already hard enough. It becomes even more challenging when their personality is different from the norm. Our society favors extrovert traits. From everything from advertising, the political sector, to classroom settings, and work environments extroverts have the advantage. In the classroom, group projects are common as well as speaking out loud in front of the class for grades. The same goes for the work environment. Group meetings are commonplace and those that speak up get the floor over those that take time to think things over quietly by themselves. Cubicles are seen to be the norm for many fields which promote constant collaboration over individual introspection.

It’s crucial that as a parent you learn how to parent your introverted teenager effectively by taking the following steps.

Learn about introversion

I previously wrote an article discussing what introversion is and what the common personality traits here. You can read this article here . Don’t just stop there, continue doing research and it will pay off in the end. You’ll understand what makes your teen tick and why they tend to respond the way they do. You will be less likely to see their behavior as abnormal and fear for depression. It’s common for parents to confuse their child’s normal behavior as a sign of depression. That’s not to say that they aren’t depressed. Since introversion is a personality trait they way they respond will not change based on fluctuations in the situation. Whereas depression is a marked change in behavior.

For example, if your child is normally outgoing and extremely social then any isolating behavior is a sign for concern as that is not typical behavior. An introverted teen would already be less social and be by themselves in their room even when nothing particularly stressful has happened. If they start to display extreme changes in their behavior or stop doing things they used to enjoy, then that is a sign for concern as well. If you aren’t sure, it won’t hurt to get a professional evaluation for your child.

Introverts naturally need time alone to recharge. Social interactions, especially with strangers, drain mental energy which is why your introvert may start to disengage, get really quiet, and even become irritable after long periods of social activity. Parents may interpret this as a disrespectful behavior and a sign of rejection, when really they need time alone to “recharge”. In families with lots of younger children, it is helpful for your introvert to have the ability to be alone when they need to recharge as they may tolerate less stimulation.

Talk to your child about what you learn

After you’ve done some reading about introversion and the common traits, talk to your teen about it. This is helpful because it creates conversation around it and decreases any negative stigma your child might have felt. Unfortunately this society favors extroverts and so many introverts feel like there is something wrong with them for not conforming so easily. It’s important to understand what introversion looks like for your teen in particular. Personality traits lie on a spectrum and so your child will be able to tell you where they lie on that continuum.

Accept them

As a parent, it’s understandable to worry that there might be something wrong with your teenager since they aren’t conforming to what is viewed as “normal”. Now that you’ve learned about introversion and talked to your teen about it, the last thing is to accept them for who they are. Understand that they aren’t “weird” or “broken”.They in fact are normal. Introversion isn’t something they will grow out of. Instead encourage them to listen to their bodies when it’s telling them they need to recharge for self-care. You can also help them harness their strengths such as their ability for thoughtful in their decision-making and their excellent listening skills. Remind them that introverts and extroverts compliment each other.

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