Counseling – Page 4 – Confident Counseling, LLC.

Learning From Disappointment

Have you ever felt disappointed with how you didn’t react to a given situation? Have you ever stood by silently while an injustice took place, only to feel upset with yourself afterwards? I want to share a personal example in my learning from disappointment that happened recently.

A couple of weekends ago I was left feeling unsettled after attending a stand-up comedy show. The show was in Boston and I was going to see a comic that I had followed for a few years. At first, the routine and the atmosphere was fun and enjoyable. Then the comedian began making upsetting sexist and racist jokes including how he finds it funny that African-Americans have a glass ceiling because they have limited influence to cause serious harm to our society and that women shouldn’t get paid as much as men because of reasons that we cost men too much money.

At this point, the comedian pointed to the audience and asked for a rebuttal to his earlier claim about why he feels women should get paid less. It was in that moment that I found myself at a loss of words and unprepared for any intellectual debate. I instantly felt intimidated being in a venue surrounded by mostly intoxicated men. I also worried that I wouldn’t have the floor long enough to even have an intellectual conversation because the comic had the microphone and he had a show to do. Just as soon as the moment had started it had passed and I was left feeling shocked, upset, and disappointed with the comic and with myself.

The following day I replayed that scene over and over in my head thinking of all the comments I could have said and how possible scenarios could have played out. Needless to say, I struggled with the expectations I had and the reality that occurred.

I have since made my peace and realized that I learned several valuable lessons from this experience. I learned that I won’t always have the right words to say and that I may not feel brave all the time. I learned the need for kindness with myself when I fail to act. I learned that I can continue to support causes I believe in by way of donations, writing my blog, raising awareness around me, and by refusing to support those that oppose those causes (i.e. this particular comedian). More importantly, I understand that this it isn’t the last opportunity I will have to speak up and be heard.

Have you ever failed to speak up or act when you felt you should have? What did you learn from it and how has it affected your life?

Spring Cleaning: Discarder’s Remorse

Does this sound similar? You get excited about spring cleaning, making more space in your cabinets/closets, and the idea of getting rid of clutter. You begin sorting out bags and collections of old belongings only to feel worried that you may regret discarding them. You decide the possibility of needing them in the future is too great that you put everything back and decide to wait another year. I call this spring cleaning: discarder’s remorse and I’ve been there.

Take this opportunity to learn about yourself, what you value, what you cherish and why. To make things easier, create smaller goals for yourself around cleaning out your space. Focus on one part of your space at a time. It’s easy to become overwhelmed if you focus on the final goal.

Set a shorter deadline to see if you end up needing those items.
Sleep on it and see how you feel tomorrow.
Create small piles and categorize them by importance. Seeing the smaller piles can help you focus on the baby steps of progress rather than seeing one giant pile of “stuff”.
Take breaks so you can recharge
Consider donating to family, friends, or those in need.
Lastly, praise yourself for your progress (every bit counts) and enjoy the new space you created!

What other ideas work for you?

Introversion and What It Looks Like

I believe that all human nature lies on a spectrum which includes everything from likes and dislikes, to personality traits and temperaments. By and large, humans are social creatures and we need each other to survive as a species. However, there is a difference in how much social interaction we each prefer and/or need. For those that lie close to the end of Introversion, it can be daunting to function in a world that seems to be made for extroverts.

If you know someone who is an introvert, it might feel confusion or frustrating when they become irritable in social situations or need to leave early. Let’s look at Introversion and what it is

Here is an image for those that like visuals.

As you see on this line, there is a spectrum going in each direction. There are people who lie closer to either end, and there are people who are closer to the middle. The closer you are towards the introvert end, the more likely you are to display the following traits:

Social Interaction

Has only a few close friends and are often mistaken for lacking social skills and being antisocial neither are true.
Does more listening than talking making them excellent listeners
Seems to be in their own world
Prefers to talk about deep conversations and dislikes “small talk”.
Tend to be quiet which is mistaken for shyness.
When introverts are tired, in a large group, or if too much is going on, they may show little animation, with little facial expression or body movement.
Need time to think before speaking

Social Preferences

Likes solitary activities, like reading, or activities with only a few people
Likes to spend time by themselves to “recharge”.
Tends to gravitate towards one on one interactions rather than being the center of attention even if it’s positive.
Prefers to have a plan when going out that is predictable and has an “exit” strategy

Emotions

May get irritable after spending a lot of time around other people
Feel emotionally drained after spending time with others, especially strangers.
Is more reserved about personal details
Highly sensitive to their environment and the emotions of other people
Introverts are also rather territorial. They dislike sharing space with others for too long and may find house guests intrusive.

Other Traits and Preferences

Introverts can concentrate intensely on a book or project for a long time if they find it interesting and like to explore subjects deeply and thoroughly.
Introverts are highly aware of their inner world of perceptions, thoughts, ideas, beliefs, and feelings. They are also highly aware of their surroundings, noticing details that others don’t see.
Introverts also favor consistency over change, and cope with change best when they know ahead of time what to expect and have enough time to prepare for it.

If you are an introvert, it doesn’t mean that you display all of these traits, it just means there is a higher chance you do. Understanding yourself or your fellow introvert is the best way to accept and support yourself and others. The most important thing to realize is that we are all different and that being an introvert, extrovert, or in the middle comes with their own strengths.

Should You Go To Counseling?

I have encountered several prospective clients that have called me asking, “Is counseling right for me?” Many of them were referred by a loved one or have noticed their life falling apart around them without understanding why. My first question to them is, “Is there anything you would like to change or see changed in your life?” Often times they say yes, but don’t know where to begin or unsure how counseling can help.

If you find yourself contemplating whether you should try counseling, ask yourself the following questions.

Is there something you want to change in your life? Do you have the ability to bring about those changes? Do you know how to bring about the changes you would like to see? If you find you lack the skills or the control to make any changes, counseling can be beneficial.

Sometimes accepting what we cannot change can be difficult. For example, you may be frustrated with how your spouse or employer treats you and want them to change. Unfortunately for you, you can only change and control yourself. A counselor will help you learn to accept what you can’t change and teach you skills and ways to cope and react differently.

The hardest part in seeking change can be asking for help. It can feel like you are admitting defeat or you may worry about the negative stigma around going to counseling. Thankfully, this is changing as more people are discovering the benefits of getting help. Just remember that by asking for help, you are choosing to take the driver’s seat in your life to meet your goals.

Should you go to counseling?

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Have you ever failed to speak up or act when you felt you should have? What did you learn from it and how has it affected your life?

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